I really want a homebirth

[~Jenny~]

With as fast your births tend to go, are you really worried about them breaking your water or even needing pitocin?

I think all of us have thought about labor and what we would like. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to just take the situation as it comes and don't worry about things you can't control. Worry about things you can control.

[LinzluvsGJ]

Found out some more joy about the hospital. Separate labor, delivery, and birthing rooms. I get to be carted around while trying to deliver a baby like an animal. Oh the joy.

I also asked what would happen if I just show up w/ my kids while in labor. Was told my husband would have to stay w/ them in a waiting room or take them home since they're not allowed in the maternity ward. (waiting room hours end at 9 pm so if it's during the night, they'd make him leave)

Also found out since my sonogram... parking is street parking and one very tiny garage that is taken up by everyone who freakin works there. It took us TWENTY MINUTES to find parking the day of my sonogram. Almost all parking w/in a freakin mile is permit only for the students and faculty of the university.

No one is allowed to visit me except for Gregg. (not that I have anyone who would visit anyway).

There is no entrance that you can drive even close to for the building that has maternity in it. The closest you can get is 3 buildings away!! INSANITY! So even if I was trying to not push a kid's head out when getting there, I would have to walk quite a distance to freakin get to the right building, THEN take the elevator 4 flights up.

I'm not even guaranteed a room with a private bathroom. How is that fantastic?

[Jennie]

Honestly? I'm sorry it sounds sucky to you - but that sounds like both of the hospitals I've deilvered at here. Visiting hours are 1pm-8pm and that's it. No more than 2 visitors at a time. It's not ideal but I guess to me, my priority was a healthy birth - not a picture perfect one so to speak. I guess I just have learned to go with the flow - souns like you don't have a choice so truly Linz, I think you'll just need to accept this is where you will be giving birth and make the best of it. You still have 2 months to try and figure out how to make lemonade when the world gives you lemons. (And I know it's not the same but how would you feel if you needed surgery and you had to fly 2 hrs away from your family for almost 9 days to get it??? Not happy but I'm doing it because these are the cards I have been dealt. You find a way to make it work the best that you can.)

[Amy]

As I see it, you have two options here (after rereading the beginning of the thread to refresh my memory). One is to suck it up, get over it, and have your baby at the hospital. Is it a less than ideal situation? Sure, it's not what you want, it's inconvenient for you, and it's extremely obvious you aren't happy with it. But, that's one option.

Option 2 is to tell your husband that when HE can give birth in a hospital, then by all means, do so, but until that day arrives you are having your child at home with a midwife, and figure out a way to pay for it. I think that's the only thing that's going to make you happy, and you are angry with Gregg, frustrated and extremely disappointed in him (yet again) because he doesn't (can't, won't, refuses to) take your feelings into consideration.

Doesn't matter what I personally feel about this situation, but if *I* were facing these choices, I would go with what makes me happy and gives me the birth I want, because I think if you don't get the birthing experience you want, it's going to color your entire life with this new baby. Did I get an ideal birthing experience with Molly? I was thrilled to be alive with my new baby girl.

But bottom line, Linz, is that YOU are the mother, YOU have an equal say in your marriage (even though your husband would disagree) and if YOU want a homebirth, then stand up for yourself, tell him where to step off, and figure out a way to pay for it. If you can't, then I guess it's time to put on the big girl panties and deal with the hospital birth situation you have. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it to, it's just getting very close to your due date!

[~Andrea~]

I'm sorry you aren't going to get the birth you want, I truly am. However, I gotta say I think you're making this out to be worse than it will be. Do you realize how lucky you are to be giving birth to your fourth child? I'd give birth in the back of a cab if it meant having another healthy child. I don't mean to be a bitch, but rather than looking at all the negatives, try focusing on the positives. Life is what you make it. If you're going into your labor with the attitude that it's gong to suck , then you can be sure of one thing....IT'S GOING TO SUCK! If you try to find the positives, then maybe it will be a little more pleasant. And really, you don't know what will happen until it happens. You may end up getting the home birth you want. Or you may end up needing a C-section and be glad you're at the hospital. Leave it in God's hands!

[AllyRae]

Found out some more joy about the hospital. Separate labor, delivery, and birthing rooms. I get to be carted around while trying to deliver a baby like an animal. Oh the joy.

I also asked what would happen if I just show up w/ my kids while in labor. Was told my husband would have to stay w/ them in a waiting room or take them home since they're not allowed in the maternity ward. (waiting room hours end at 9 pm so if it's during the night, they'd make him leave)

Also found out since my sonogram... parking is street parking and one very tiny garage that is taken up by everyone who freakin works there. It took us TWENTY MINUTES to find parking the day of my sonogram. Almost all parking w/in a freakin mile is permit only for the students and faculty of the university.

No one is allowed to visit me except for Gregg. (not that I have anyone who would visit anyway).

There is no entrance that you can drive even close to for the building that has maternity in it. The closest you can get is 3 buildings away!! INSANITY! So even if I was trying to not push a kid's head out when getting there, I would have to walk quite a distance to freakin get to the right building, THEN take the elevator 4 flights up.

I'm not even guaranteed a room with a private bathroom. How is that fantastic?

Well, the bright side is that walking helps labor go faster...with all that walking, you could be doing yourself a lot of favors in labor.

I'm sorry it isn't the birth you had hoped for. But it can be positive...really. I mean, I never ever wanted a c-section. I wanted a homebirth, but after Ryland, that was out of the cards for me. I really had no choice but to have that c-section. (Heck, I even tried to back out at the last minute...they gave me a spinal so I couldn't do that though. ).

But you know what...that c-section is not something I would have ever dreamed could be a good experience, but Mia's birth and postpartum period was the absolute best one I had. Yeah, I had my baby through an incision in my abdomen. Yeah, she had to go to the nursery for 4 1/2 hours after birth. Yeah, they took her away to the nursery for a couple hours every day for exams. Yeah there was a blizzard and DH got caught with the kids in the blizzard and had to spend Mia's first night in a hotel room away from us. Yeah one of the nurses was a complete wack job.

But... I made the conscious decision before I even walked into that hospital to just let it all go. That in the grand scheme of things, how she got here didn't matter (after all, Ryland was a vaginal birth...didn't work out well). It didn't matter that I would miss a couple hours of her life (I missed the first 4 MONTHS of Jocelyn's life, and I still am crazy in love with her and she's still a wonderful smart happy girl.) It didn't matter that she needed some formula (Brandon had formula too, and he just had an IQ test done to show he is well above average. He is also rarely ever sick. Jocelyn had formula and she's a big healthy smart girl).

So, I knew things wouldn't turn out my ideal. But I made the choice to put aside my ideals of perfection and make the best out of it...and my c-section was actually a very fun pleasant experience (thanks to my doctor who knew how much I didn't want to be there and made it an awesome birth, laughing/joking/keeping me involved the entire time). And I found if I just kept things in perspective, it all wasn't really that bad. I've had *bad* labors and births...nothing was worse to me than a repeat of Ryland's birth.

I hope that helps some... Yeah, you might not get your ideal. But with a good positive attitude, even less than ideal can still be good.

[~Jenny~]

If you're going into your labor with the attitude that it's gong to suck , then you can be sure of one thing....IT'S GOING TO SUCK! If you try to find the positives, then maybe it will be a little more pleasant.

I will ditto this. I once heard that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. The best thing you can do is accept what you cannot change and make the best of the situation. Focus on the positives of the experience.

[TMK]

Boy, I am sorry you're not going to get what you want, Linz, but I just have to wonder if fixating on it isn't making you even more miserable.

I've said it before in this thread and I'll say it again...if you can't have what you want, then I think you're going to have to find a way to want what you can have. If you can't do that, then yes, this is going to be a terrible experience for you, and I'm sorry for that. You're in an untenable position, and every time someone has suggested something to change it, you've indicated that there's no way out of the position you're in. So...if you can't change it, the best you can do is find a way to be OK with what you're given.

[Michele]

I'm sorry, Linz! I wish you could have what you want!

[AllyRae]

I know you said you didn't want to give birth at the Presbyterian hospital, but how close to you is it? I was just reading about it, trying to find something that may help. The reason their c-section rate is so high is because it's a major level III NICU hospital, meaning they get all of the complications and high risk people. More high risk people = more c-sections. So, on the surface, the numbers don't mean much if you're not high risk...

I did find that the hospital has it's own doulas you can reserve: http://www.phs.org/PHS/women/medicalstaff/doulas/index.htm

Now that's pretty cool!!

They also have TONS of breastfeeding support...another plus! http://www.phs.org/PHS/women/institute/index.htm

You also just show up for the tour...no classes, money, or reservations needed:
http://www.phs.org/phs/women/pregnancy/classes/index.htm

I know you said you didn't even want to think about going there, but it could be better than the hospital across town. If your labors are really only about 4 hours long, you can arrive there right before pushing, or you can get there earlier and have a doula already there to help avoid interventions... It may be worth checking out...

[LinzluvsGJ]

Presbyterian is right by UNM, both have level III nicus. All 3 hospitals (Tricare only covers UNMH and Pres) are on the other side of the city from me. There aren't any on the west side. I can't use any of their midwives either, only the OBs on call (which aren't even the ones who do prental care) because they won't take Tricare. And the doulas are still $400 extra that Tricare won't cover.

But yeah... still 45 minutes to Presbyterian approx just like UNMH. I wish someone would have thought to build a hospital on this side of the darned city! You would think someone would have thought it a good idea since the majority of the population of albuquerque is in the Northwest quadrant!

Thanks for the help!

[AllyRae]

LOL...what an oddly designed city! DH's aunt lives there, and that's all I know about it.

Well, I guess the benefits of OBs only doing deliveries is that you only have to deal with the OB for an hour max at the end once the head's coming out. The rest of the time, it's doulas and nurses.

[LinzluvsGJ]

If you're happy and you know it... post some smilies.

If you're happy and you know it... post some smilies.

If you're happy and you know it... post some smilies!

If you're happy and you know it... and your husband has finally come to his senses....

If you're happy and you know it... post some smilies! :bouncy:

Now I just have to sell some stuff to help pay for it. Anyone want some new Tupperware I have on hand? Robeez little boy shoes? Nursing bras? Bows? I have $1500 to raise.

[LinzluvsGJ]

LOL...what an oddly designed city! DH's aunt lives there, and that's all I know about it.

Well, I guess the benefits of OBs only doing deliveries is that you only have to deal with the OB for an hour max at the end once the head's coming out. The rest of the time, it's doulas and nurses.

It is very oddly laid out... and has a few smaller cities located w/in the city boundaries, and a lot of Navajo land randomly inserted. And the population keeps expanding Northwest because that's the only direction it can go w/ the mountains to the east and west and north of most of the city, and the reservations south of the city, but they only really are building houses, not anything else. There is a "hospital" on this side only a mile from me, but it's solely a emergency room and a couple small clinic offices. Which would be good if I needed an emergency transfer because ambulatory services are super close, but the hospitals that use them pretty far.

[~Andrea~]

I'm glad you're getting the home birth you want!